Walking the land of Dreams

Reflection...

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 08:15:24 GMT

Went outside for a smoke, after writing a bit at work (working on Providence)... it was cool, slightly breezy, with a sprinkling of rain.

And I finished my clove, and stared upwards at the dark sky. Watching the tiny droplets of water fall on my face and my glasses, feeling the cool wind wafting against me soothingly. Thinking of each droplet of water, separate-- and yet, not-- falling from an immense distance, affected by the wind, gravity, and a million other factors deciding which droplet went where, and which fell down upon me.

Chaos theory, entropy, everything connected. Everything and nothing.

Love.

*shakes head* I'm rambling, I think, but it's hard to take a Concept and fill up meager Words with It.

Was also thinking... it's been a long time, and I don't think I ever got a return email from my OBOD-assigned mentor. I have all the coursework for the Bardic Grade... need to gather it all together from where it's scattered over the house. Even if it's not my Way, it's the closest one that I've found that resonates with me. And in following it, I can learn more about myself, by learning what I agree with and what I do not. So I think once I gather that all up, I'll look through my emails, and if the mentor never did reply, I'll get another one assigned.

Above and beyond that, as a writer, understanding other religions only helps me build better characters, as religion is a prime motivator for many people. As a person, understanding the motivations of other people helps me get along with them better, lets me blend into a society that I am not truly one with.

And I think I need to do something similar with Christianity... not mainstream Christianity, I understand that fully too well, but Christian mysticism. The sister of my heroine in Providence is, apparently, a Celtic Christian mystic. So her book will be similar, and yet, not, to Shiobhan's..

Updated layout...

Wed, 08 Jun 2005 06:34:04 GMT

Updated the layout to Flexible Squares... tried to keep the same theme look to it, though it is of course slightly different now.

New icon...

Sat, 04 Jun 2005 04:47:09 GMT

Courtesy of nonnycat... :)

Personal Declaration of Faith

Sun, 10 Apr 2005 05:39:39 GMT

Many organizations have declarations of faith, describing in detail what they hold to be true and dear in terms of religion. In an effort to explain to others and clarify to myself, I am doing the same.

Pagan:

I am a pagan—as defined by dictionary.com: "One who is not a Christian, Muslim, or Jew, especially a worshiper of a polytheistic religion." I was raised as a Christian, and accepted Jesus as my savior at a young age. After I left my parents house, I was able to grow and learn about other systems of belief, and I no longer walk that path. My parents had insisted that I follow their choices growing up, but when I was finally on my own I was able to look around and realize that their way was not my way. And at the most unexpected of times, the path I still walk today appeared in front of me, and I stepped on it with no hesitation—and with no regrets to date.

Organized Religion:

I do not a member of any organized religion per se. I consider myself an eclectic pagan, in that my beliefs are individual and personal, not upheld in any one specific doctrine but borrowing from many. I do hold dear the beliefs of my ancestors, the Celts, and am strongly influenced by the ways of the ancient druids. (In this regard, I consider the ancient Welsh texts such as The Mabinogion and The Tain to be "sacred"—not that every word is truth, but that they contain holy lessons to be learned and applied to daily life.) In the old days, the term druid referred to three groups of people: bards (who entertained, passed news from place to place, and acted as ambassadors, diplomats, historians, and voices of conscience), ovates (healers), and the druid priests.

I am a member of the UK organization OBOD (Order of Bards, Ovates, and Druids) which is not a religious organization, but one that seeks to apply the principles of druidry to everyday life by philosophy. Note that OBOD is like Buddhism in that it has Christian, Muslim, Jewish, pagan, and atheist members.

Theism:

I believe in the existance of beings greater than humanity. Beings of power and wisdom, with individual characteristics even as humans are individual. Beings which we can but barely begin to understand, try as we might. I believe that they are not all of equal power or stature but vary in strength and area of expertise.

I am a polytheist, in that I believe in the existance of many gods and demigods. Do I know for sure if all the pantheons of old are real? No, but I act as if they were. I respect Bast and Anubis, Artemis and Athena, Odin and Thor, Rhiannon and Epona, Christ, and many others. It is possible that they are all but reflections or aspects of one greater God and Goddess pair as the Wiccans seem to believe… but I do not claim to know that that is the case. If they are but aspects, then I treat each aspect as the individual.

Creationism:

I am a Creationist. I believe that the gods did create this world—and many others. Evolution may or may not explain some of the mechanisms used… but it does not explain the origin of life. If there was a Big Bang, where did the essence used in the Big Bang originate from? There is no definite answer that evolution can provide as to how the basic essense of the universe came into existance, and any honest evolutionary will not try to do so.

Patron:

Though I believe in many gods, I follow (and worship) only one goddess. She is Cerridwen, the Celtic goddess of wisdom, patron of the bards, the Green Lady, consort to Cernunnos, holder of the Cauldron of Rebirth. As I am a Bard, she always made sense to be my personal patron. Not long after I began walking the pagan path, and realized that the role of Druid-- and in particular, Bard-- called to me, I chose her, and dedicated myself to my Lady. She has granted me peace, serenity, and strength in times when I have been in sore need, and I love and cherish Her for it.

Still in progress... will repost later if I update it further. Comments and questions are welcome.

OBOD

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 17:19:32 GMT

So, after a lot of time, I finally anted up and joined OBOD. Sent off the first installment for the Bardic Course. Looking forward to this quite a bit.

Also noticed that the OBOD folks redesigned their primary website. Looks much nicer now (and doesn't kill FireFox anymore). And they even have a phpBB message board *grin*

Also need to take my 0° with the OTO at some point.

Four Directions Tarot Spread...

Wed, 26 Jan 2005 02:58:20 GMT

Four Directions Spread
7. Above (Future): Fighting (Knight of Clouds) Click here	4. North (Wisdom to be Gained): Harmony (10 of Water) Click here			9. Guidance: Totality (5 of Fire) Click here
	3. West (Subconscious Influences): Ice-olation (3 of Clouds) Click here	1. The Querant: Trust (Knight of Water) Click here	5. East (Awareness): Going With The Flow (Ace of Water) Click here
6. Below (Past): Receptivity (Queen of Water) Click here	2. South (Lessons to Learn): Comprimise (6 of Rainbows) Click here			8. Summary: Understanding (Page of Water) Click here

iChing Reading...

Sun, 19 Dec 2004 07:29:08 GMT

From tarot.com:

36 "Darkening of the Light"

1998-2004 Visionary Networks

When the light goes down, it may be wise to become invisible. The image is
of fresh darkness, the period after the sun has gone down or the fire has
gone out. There is still much activity left over from the light of day,
and movements in the outer world are at their most dangerous. Even the
smallest sound, the faintest glow of light, can attract unwanted
attention.

When the darkness of stupidity reigns, it is best that your own brilliance
stay "hidden under a bushel basket." That is, your thoughts and efforts
should be quiet and self-contained, and protected, as much as possible,
from harmful external influences.

Whatever you do, don't let yourself be swept along on the current of
conventional wisdom when dangerous uncertainties exist. Try not to become
too depressed or anxious; this period will pass. Just endure it for now
and inwardly preserve your self-confidence, while outwardly remaining
cooperative and flexible. The time to assert yourself will come. Avoid
looking too far ahead if you have not yet achieved your goals. That only
brings regret and longing, which can eat away at your inner resources.

Be cautious and reserved. Control yourself. Do not needlessly awaken
dormant forces of opposition. During dark, unsettled periods, it is best
to step gingerly around the sleeping dogs.

tarot spread...

Mon, 09 Aug 2004 11:23:23 GMT

Just tossed a spread before I go to work for a meeting...

4. Influences (Conscious): Rebirth (10 of Clouds) Click here			10. Outcome/Key: Consciousness (Ace of Clouds) Click here
5. Patterns (Old): Totality (5 of Fire) Click here	2. Supporting/Weakening the Issue: Adventure (Page of Rainbows) Click here	6. Patterns (New): The Creator (King of Fire) Click here	9. Desires/Denials: The Outsider (5 of Rainbows) Click here
	1. The Issue: Creativity (III) Click here		8. Attracting from the Outside: Clinging to the Past (5 of Water) Click here
3. Influences (Unconscious): Moment to Moment (2 of Rainbows) Click here			7. Self: Understanding (Page of Water) Click here

Another tarot...

Wed, 28 Jul 2004 12:55:36 GMT

4. Influences (Conscious): Courage (VIII) Click here			10. Outcome/Key: We Are the World (10 of Rainbows) Click here
5. Patterns (Old): Letting Go (8 of Water) Click here	2. Supporting/Weakening the Issue: Turning In (4 of Water) Click here	6. Patterns (New): Playfulness (Page of Fire) Click here	9. Desires/Denials: Patience (7 of Rainbows) Click here
	1. The Issue: Sharing (Queen of Fire) Click here		8. Attracting from the Outside: Projections (7 of Water) Click here
3. Influences (Unconscious): Laziness (9 of Water) Click here			7. Self: Mind (Page of Clouds) Click here

Tarot reading...

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 12:59:34 GMT

Now that I spent the time beefing up my script to be able to post readings easy... I had to use it. Especially with everything going on with the roommate...

4. Influences (Conscious): Past Lives (XVII) Click here			10. Outcome/Key: Participation (4 of Fire) Click here
5. Patterns (Old): Ripeness (9 of Rainbows) Click here	2. Supporting/Weakening the Issue: New Vision (XII) Click here	6. Patterns (New): Adventure (Page of Rainbows) Click here	9. Desires/Denials: Rebirth (10 of Clouds) Click here
	1. The Issue: Guidance (3 of Rainbows) Click here		8. Attracting from the Outside: Receptivity (Queen of Water) Click here
3. Influences (Unconscious): Going With The Flow (Ace of Water) Click here			7. Self: Creativity (III) Click here

For Erik... Tarot reading....

Sat, 24 Jul 2004 00:29:06 GMT

4. Influences (Conscious): Rebirth (10 of Clouds) Click here			10. Outcome/Key: The Miser (4 of Rainbows) Click here
5. Patterns (Old): Patience (7 of Rainbows) Click here	2. Supporting/Weakening the Issue: Projections (7 of Water) Click here	6. Patterns (New): Politics (7 of Clouds) Click here	9. Desires/Denials: Success (6 of Fire) Click here
	1. The Issue: The Creator (King of Fire) Click here		8. Attracting from the Outside: Healing (King of Water) Click here
3. Influences (Unconscious): Aloneness (IX) Click here			7. Self: Slowing Down (Knight of Rainbows) Click here

Editted with table layout...

4-3-2004, 1 dream

Sat, 03 Apr 2004 11:48:17 GMT

This is one of the longest dreams that I can recall in quite some time, and it shows at least the influence of what I've been reading lately (Shadowrun books).

So I was in Middleboro (the town I lived in when I was with my parents), and wanted to go to Boston. I got a ride to the center of town, and took the commuter rail up to Boston. (Which didn't exist when I was living with them-- but has a lot of parellels to my current apt.)

So, I'm up in Boston, checking out the sites, and I'm hanging with this crowd at some kind of game-- football, I think. Not really sure. Lot of people in the bleachers, cheering what was going on. Hanging with out with a big motherfragger of a troll. (Ok, so that right there says that I'm feeling it's 2053 in the Awakened Sixth World. Yeah, Shadowrun on the brain-- went to sleep after reading one of the books, whaddya expect was gonna happen?)

Anyhoo, don't really remember a lot about that part. I think I argued with someone else, and went to leave. I got turned around a bit and confused by things. Managed to make it back to the T station, but looking around, didn't see any runs to Middleboro. Talked to an attendant who looked at me like I was chipping something really frosty. Started to remember that there's two main stations in Boston (South Station and Back Bay) and I was at the wrong one.

I went to walk from one station to the other, and met up with my chummer the troll. I got seriously lost, and had to ask him for some help. He was pretty reluctant, probably due to the argument, but I eventually swung him around and got him to help a chummer in need. Remember climbing a pretty steep embankment, with snow all around. He had to give me a hand to help me get over the top, which was all iced over.

He escorted me to a section of town, and pointed at a door. Through that door, I would get home. He couldn't guide me any further. I thanked him and passed through the door, which reminded me of those hanging beads you see some people use like doors.

It was someone's house inside. Walking quietly through the rooms, I saw the door to the bathroom was open, and a naked woman (possibly pregnant?) was slowly shaving her legs in the tub. Admired, and passed on into the other rooms. No exit. Came back, and saw her again, before I realized that there were people sleeping on the floor in the different rooms.

People I recognized. Alyssa Milano, Holly Marie Combs, Rose McGowan. Yes, you figured it right, the three Charmed Ones.

They were so beautiful lying there, sleeping. I watched over them, brushing away the hair from their faces. Back and forth, I visited each one, until I visited each one of the three, three times. Then they awoke, wondering who I was, and why I was there. Apparently, my touch had left each of them with gifts of power, that took some time to figure out. Phoebe's was tied to some bodybuilding/metabolism thing, I don't know what the others were in regard to.

The end gets a little fuzzy. I know that it involved their Book of Shadows, and another book. The book that existed for all time, from which their Book of Shadows is but a pale copy. I remember being mad about how they had treated it (or the person from whom they had acquired it? hmm, not sure). The impression I got of the book was that it would have been along the lines of Diane Duane's Book of Night with Moon.

That's about all I remember before waking up. Not really sure why I woke up... nothing prompted me in the dream, and nothing made noise that I heard after I woke up.

3-31-2004, 1 dream

Wed, 31 Mar 2004 08:58:07 GMT

Another weird dream. Dreamed I was a soldier, in an American uniform. We were at war. No clue where, but we captured an enemy conveyance... like a military version of an RV. (Being a dream, of course, there was more room inside than out.)

The enemy soldiers were Russian. I was ordered to kill them. I argued that we should keep them as prisoners until I was told to kill them or I would be killed myself. There was a woman soldier, obviously coupled with one of the men. I was told to kill her first, and I did. And sprayed down the others with bullets until there was no more ammo left in the gun.

Then I requisitioned another weapon (more like a sniper weapon than a M16, but with an underslung grenade launcher) and went inside. Sickened already, I was going to use the launcher, but was told not to-- the explosion could hit our soldiers in the area. There were more people inside... I killed the rest of the soldiers, but there were civilians. I balked at this.... I hadn't signed up to kill civs. Especially not women civs. But again I was ordered, and I shot one of them. The others fled into the other room (there was a wall, but there was a long window set in the wall, like to the kitchen at diners, but this one had glass). My gun started jamming then, so I never did kill the other three remaining women. I tried clearing the gun several times but it kept jamming. I was glad to have an excuse to let them live, even if only for a few minutes more. Something could always happen in that amount of time.

My phone was buzzing with text messages, so when I drifted into half-sleep, I wasn't able to slide back into the dream. It reminded me a lot of the dreams that the Eternal Champion had... for those that have read Michael Moorcock. Not terribly surprising, since I've reread some of them a week or so ago, and I've always felt kinship with Erekose/John Daker/etc.

--Morgan

3-21-2004, 3 dreams...

Sun, 21 Mar 2004 20:22:18 GMT

The first was jumbled. I wasn't really lucid for it, and can't really remember much about it. I was sleeping somewhat restlessly, and when I turned, the dreamscape would shift, breaking down and reforming into something else. Like it melted and ran away while rain brought in a new scene.

The second I was somewhat lucid, but it didn't really seem to matter. The dream kept reabsorbing me. I had an idea of what it was, but forgot this when I started the next dream.

The third was mostly lucid. I was dreaming that I was going over my hosting bill at ICI, a place I previously worked at and hosted my machine Sunrise. I knew that it was a dream, but I wanted to work out whatever issue there was. I worked with someone who was a combination of Burke, Dan, and Rob... looking at a billing printout on VAX paper, the wide-length dot-matrix paper with alternating triple rows of white and green. We talked back and forth to work out the details until I remembered that I had paid off ICI/NAII a long time ago and moved out of their hosting center. That's when I woke up.

3-20-2004, 1 Dream

Sat, 20 Mar 2004 19:22:26 GMT

I dreamed I was a nurse in a hospital. For some reason the ether nurses thought that my name was Martin rather that Nathan, and it took to the end of the dream to clear that confusion up (including the label on "my" toilet). I was making rounds, checking on people, helping dole out medication, and alse dealing with my eye problems. One of the doctors was interested in my eyes and was studying to determine if he had a course of treatment to help me further, which eld to another operation. Two of the nurses were sitting on a large chest (remniscent of the one adras156 has-- same colors, etc, just longer) and playing cards. They invited me to "the table" but I didn't sit on it due to my weight.

Wierd dream.

3-19-2004, Two dreams...

Fri, 19 Mar 2004 17:49:27 GMT

The first dream was a short one involving adras156 coming to the ManRay outing tonight with purlav and the others. I thought she was still seeing her ex, and she had stopped by the apartment in advance and said she'd be going to the club after work even though they were spending the weekend together. Was planning to ask if she wanted to take the books she lent me back or if she wanted me to bring them later. Wierd dream.

The second dream was one that I'd had parts of before, and unrelated to reality. I'm in a family, and my father brings me on a trip that I don't want to go on. He brings me to see his side of the family, something that doesn't happen often, because they're afflicted with dwarfism. They value their privacy given the grief that the outside world tends to cause them, and so we go to this run down section of a city to find the entrance to their community. I get the impression that while they welcome him back, there had been some major disagreement with him in the past. Some look up to me as a hero, being a Tall One, which isn't something I'm comfortable with.

My cellphone was going off with alert messages about VESN so I drifted into half-awakeness about then, and then came fully up.